Civil Service Examination- Failed for the 2nd time

I failed again! Not once, but twice! I didn’t cry anymore because I already expected it. I guessed so many answers in the last part because there’s no more time left! Geez, I even enrolled myself in a review center. It was great but I blamed myself for not practicing the time pressure in the exam. I always think slow in everything. I hate myself now. I’m jobless, penniless, fat, and bored! I feel useless to everyone. Especially to my parents. I always disappoint them. 

I’m sick of being a failure. 

I’m still looking for a job but they don’t even bother to contact me for an interview. I remembered I was really smart back in highschool, but what happened to me now? A useless citizen to my country. I lost my friends for not being interested with them by not giving them enough time because I live so far away. It’s not my fault moving far away. It was my parents decision. I was really sad to move out in Manila. Most of my friends live there and I spent my whole childhood there. I wish I could go back in the past to cherish those moments and study really hard. Now I’m struggling to pass the civil service examination because I didn’t pay attention to my parents advices. I wish I took it earlier when I was 18. I thought it was easy to pass, but not really. Now I feel depressed but I don’t look like I’m depressed because I don’t show it to others. 

I’m going to file again on May 2017 for my take 3. I hope this time I can pass the exam. That would be the luckiest day of my life. Please Help me God!