Civil Service Examination- Failed for the 2nd time

I failed again! Not once, but twice! I didn’t cry anymore because I already expected it. I guessed so many answers in the last part because there’s no more time left! Geez, I even enrolled myself in a review center. It was great but I blamed myself for not practicing the time pressure in the exam. I always think slow in everything. I hate myself now. I’m jobless, penniless, fat, and bored! I feel useless to everyone. Especially to my parents. I always disappoint them. 

I’m sick of being a failure. 

I’m still looking for a job but they don’t even bother to contact me for an interview. I remembered I was really smart back in highschool, but what happened to me now? A useless citizen to my country. I lost my friends for not being interested with them by not giving them enough time because I live so far away. It’s not my fault moving far away. It was my parents decision. I was really sad to move out in Manila. Most of my friends live there and I spent my whole childhood there. I wish I could go back in the past to cherish those moments and study really hard. Now I’m struggling to pass the civil service examination because I didn’t pay attention to my parents advices. I wish I took it earlier when I was 18. I thought it was easy to pass, but not really. Now I feel depressed but I don’t look like I’m depressed because I don’t show it to others. 

I’m going to file again on May 2017 for my take 3. I hope this time I can pass the exam. That would be the luckiest day of my life. Please Help me God! 

K-DRAMA: Escaping to Reality

April 16. 2015

The Philippine national television introduced me to Korean Drama or K-Drama. I remembered way back 2003 when I was 8 years old in my 3rd grade the first ever korean drama in ABS-CBN that I had ever watched was Lovers in Paris. The story was totally amazing and I really had no idea who were the actors and actresses. I thought they were chinese because the only country that I’d know that time was USA and China but later on I found out that they were Koreans. That was the first time I became familiar in that country. It is a country that divided into half, North and South. Most korean dramas are from South Korea. My mon and sister got addicted on watching korean drama in TV so my mom started to buy pirated dvds in divisoria (I know its illegal but that time the government didn’t inspect pirated dvds seriously). One dvd per episode in one dvd case. It was really expensive but few years later one dvd can fit 16 or 20 episodes. My mom wants to know the story first before it was aired in the TV. We spent whole day watching korean dramas because the story are exciting (that’s when my eyes started to become blurry ). I was in elementary school at that time and I didn’t know in the future that I’ll be using k-dramas in stress relievers and escaping into reality.

Life is seem so hard that you feel like you don’t want to live anymore. During high school, my classmates were teasing me because I am addicted on watching k-drama. They said it was corny and boring. How can they said those things if they didn’t even try watching the whole complete episodes before they judged it. Yes some are corny and boring but at the end of the drama you will learn some lessons. You can also learn their basic korean language like annyeonghasaeyo, saranghaeyo, oppa, ahjumma, etc. At school, it is stressful to go home with homework and projects especially in studying quizzes and exams. After my study I feel like my brain is draining so the next thing that I will be going to do is to watch k-drama and forget those useless things that I’m doing in school because it’s really stressful. In the world of K-drama, I feel like I am the protagonist that having a journey in my life and feeling like a God because I know exactly what’s happening overall. After the drama ends, There is only a one question on my mind, “What am I going to do with my life now?” It’s hard to move on especially when the drama is really beautiful. Back to reality, It sucks right?

Their’s no knight and shining armour that will make your life colorful and many villain surrounds you like fake friends when they only needed you if they need something. You like someone but doesn’t even like you back. Somebody likes you but you don’t like him/her because he/she doesn’t passed your k-drama leading man/lady standards. I want to go back to my unrealistic world… T_T . A man that is famous, smart, handsome, tall, white, killer smile, cool, knows how to handle girls well, smells good, gentleman, rich, good man, blah blah blah….. Most of the traits that I listed never really exist in the reality! LOL. Besides, it’s impossible for a rich and handsome men would fall in love with me if i’m not pretty or rich just like them. Class A to Class A, Class A to Class B, but not Class A to Class F. We can only see those things in the world of K-Drama. I feel fraustrated after I found out that it was impossible for a “Perfect Man” to fall in love with me. Handsome and cute guys keep ignoring me while creepy guy likes me. It’s the true for most of us and we can’t deny it.

So i’m still trying to live in my unrealistic world because it makes me happy and perfect without anybody judging my oblong face, small height and big boned body. Just staying at home and relaxing while watching korean drama and fantasizing my dream man.

-END-

2 Years absent and I’m back

I’d been absent for two years in this blog and I didn’t keep my promise to update in this blog. The reason why I’ve been absent for two years is because I got a job in a small company as an accounting staff. At first it was hard because I was still a fresh grad at that time. It took me 6 months to fully understand the operation of the company. It was difficult to be around with some other people because they keep on gossiping you. It was a horrible experience for me. I thought working alone will give you a great experience in the real world but it’s not. Their are people who still wants to let you down no matter what. Their are your colleagues and boss. I hated the fact that they are destroying you while you were working your ass off to satisfy their needs in the company. They were also mingling with your personal life. They should mind their own business and keep being busy on their personal life as well, not interfering other people’s life. So I decided to resigned for peace of mind. Now I’m back in this blog to share what I had wrote on my notebook two years ago. I knew from the start that my hobby was writing and sharing my personal thoughts and experiences. I’m currently unemployed now and reviewing for my civil service exam. I failed in my first attempt and I’ll take an exam for the second time. I hope I’ll pass for the second time. Working in a private company is useless. Really. I want to work in the government to have a stable job and security of tenure. So I can live peacefully 🙂 That’s all I want from now. Please Lord Help me 😊.

Types of Professors

  1. Very strict that you cannot breathe on his/her class.
  2. Fast in teaching
  3. Reading books in front of the class for the whole period
  4. Kind (they said)
  5. Very good in teaching and give grades that you deserved
  6. Good in teaching but boring
  7. Always assigns topic to report
  8. Making student hope for nothing
  9. Give quizzes without teaching
  10. Always absent then give quizzes and exam immediately when he/she is present
  11. Favoritism
  12. Teaching topics that are out of the world
  13. Smart but doesn’t know how to teach
  14. Extremely good in teaching and everybody in the class can understand
  15. Good in teaching but gives hard quizzes and exams but adjusting the grades
  16. Fast in teaching that you don’t know what he/she is discussing already
  17. Always have competition in recitation
  18. Gives very high grades but you will be scolded first
  19. Not generous in grades
  20. Has low voice in delivering lectures that it will make you sleep
  21. Always teaching but students don’t listen because it’s not interesting
  22. Giving bonuses
  23. Teach life experience instead of the topic in the syllabus
  24. Generous in giving grades
  25. Discussing dirty things and jokes
  26. Very religious
  27. Meeting every quizzes
  28. Talkshit
  29. Wants to know about students personal lives
  30. Reading power point until the class ends
  31. Giving out of the world quizzes
  32. Making jokes that isn’t funny
  33. Very boring lectures
  34. Giving one grade higher
  35. Every student loves him/her
  36. Tell personal life to the students
  37. Telling funny jokes that will surely makes you laugh
  38. Very strict but at the end very generous in giving grades
  39. Telling students useless things
  40. Gay/ Lesbian
  41. Doesn’t care about students cheating
  42. Doesn’t know the correct grammar
  43. Green Minded
  44. Very kind to all including on giving grades
  45. Hurting the feelings of students but not apologizing
  46. Kind at first but the end very evil
  47. The whole students in the university hates him/her
  48. Likes to embarrass students
  49. Single Blessedness
  50. Memory Loss
  51. A professor that will change your views in life
  52. A professor that will make your semester miserable
  53. A professor that will make you relax and think that you can have good grades at first but in the end of the semester you’re wrong
  54. Has considerations
  55. Crush ng bayan
  56. Poker Face
  57. A professor that will make fun of your physical appearance
  58. Will treat you as a friend outside the class
  59. Always telling reminders
  60. Will text you at the end of the semester to give you a chance to complete your requirements
  61. Doesn’t really care on you no matter what
  62. Guessing students grades (“Fortune Tellers”)

Student Reminders By Ameri

Does grades really matters in achieving your dreams? Is it enough for you in becoming successful in the future? Does having a high GPA make you land a good job? Is it worth studying for many years and then you suddenly found out that… Anyway…Welcome to the Real World fellas!

 

Fitting in the society (through my teachers expectations)

If you are a person that always think about what others think about you, then you maybe wanted to fit in the society. Where you want others not to judge you. Acting like a good student, friend, parents and in the society. That’s what I did. Since I was 4 years old, I was having many troubles at school because I don’t really study. What I know at that time was to play, watch cartoons and have fun. What does a 4-year-old kid knows about studying? I didn’t even knew my name, how to read words and worse, I was a very slow learner. I didn’t have any idea what’s happening because I’m just a 4 year old kid. I don’t understand that time why my teacher was cruel to me. It’s hard to move since my every step was being judged by my pre-school teacher. I don’t have any idea what’s happening outside my house. My activity at home was to watch cartoons and play. That’s what every kid like to do right?

When I transferred school, I remembered a young beautiful and kind teacher. I was 6 years old and illiterate. She taught me how to write my complete name correctly. I was very thankful to her for treating me as a human and a little kid. But suddenly, she left the school without me knowing the reason. I was very sad because the new teacher is terror. My classmate told to the new teacher that I still don’t know how to write my name. So he asked her if she could write my name at the board for my sake. Then she said in a sarcastic way that I am too old to know my name. My heart suddenly fell. In the following months, I remembered she was always mad at me because I don’t know everything. One time, I lost my sharpener and I saw my classmate had it. I approached her to give back my sharpener but she said it was her stuff. Then the new teacher asked us if what is going on. I told her that my classmate have my sharpener but the new teacher never believes it and she scolded me. Why is she acting like that to me? Did I do anything wrong? Anyway thank goodness I transferred to other school in Manila. I thought those things would be over. I only knew how to speak Ilonggo that time. I was wondering why they are speaking differently. So it was a Tagalog. Well I was still illiterate at that time. My mom hired a tutor to make me know to read. It took me a hard time to read but thank goodness my mind have worked. I remembered the few sentences when it was my first time to read words. “ Ito ako bata pa ako”. So my next challenge would be able to speak Tagalog. In my few months in Manila, I still couldn’t speak straight Tagalog. So the guidance counsellor called me together with my cousin. The guidance counsellor told her that she (cousin) should teach me hot to speak tagalog. After that my mom scolded me because it was embarrassing. If I still won’t speak tagalog then I’m doomed. It took me 2 years to perfect my tagalog without having my original accent tone.

The one I couldn’t forget when I was in grade 2 My teacher asked me if I have friends, I told her nothing. Then she said I’m a bad person because I don’t have any friends. Seriously? She believed that? It’s impossible to most of us having no friends. We can still have our family and God as a friend. Grade 3 was the worse years during my studies. The teacher doesn’t know my name correct last name even I corrected her many times. She also have favoritism and doesn’t mind slow learner students like me. I was jealous. Being dumbed and slow learner is a big torture. No attention, no recognition, no praises. My father even spanked me in front of my teacher and classmates after he saw my line of seven grades. It was embarrassing. When I was in grade 6, I received an unbelievable award. First honor in lower section! Then I realized that the teacher gave me that award because I was acting kind, responsible, and passing projects on time. It was the happiest day of my life because I thought I already fitted in the society. Being smart and having awards was one that I thought would be the best part in my life. After a long run, I realized that I’m wrong.

 

Bullying

I was a victim of bullying. It’s not a nice experience but it made me strong. Being slow, dumb, having an oblong shape had, big body, small height and tiny head was the reason why I got bullied. I got few punches from boy classmates during grade school. I got painful words from girl classmates during high school. I didn’t told my parents about it. I was scared having my name being talk about those things.  I don’t know how to make them stop from bullying me. I just observed back in grade 6 after they found out that I was the top one in class, they stopped making fun of me. During my freshman years, girls on my class were making fun of me. Having bad scores in exams and quizzes are the reason why they bullied me. Also being ugly and fat. I got depressed and thinking of transferring school because of what they did to me. My home room teacher was not good to me also. It’s just because not having a good introduction in the first day of school. She expects us all to be great. Nervous for not meeting her expectations, depression was the result. I don’t really understand why I should be smart to please them to stop punishing me. After thinking some possible solution on how would the people make stop bullying me, I finally got the answer. TO STUDY!

 

Study Habits

I observed how my classmates study. They have a good grades in class so I watched then to study. I finally realized that it was simple. MEMORIZE. Memorizing equations, definitions, the process on how the strategy of teachers delivers lectures and test. It was perfect. Mastering all those techniques helped me to achieve my short-term goals, after my hard work on reading and memorizing lessons, I finally came into the top. My classmates are approaching me after that. I was very happy that at last, my plans are working. I never heard of someone bullying me again saying painful words. They even asked helped from me and became kind on communicating with me. (PLASTIC!) When I reached college, memorizing is not the technique anymore. Having a strategic way on finding professors study materials on where they got the sources was the best way in passing the course.

 

Cheating

It’s really hard to have good grades if you would not cheat. I had those issues since pre-school. I don’t have any idea what would I do in a piece of paper so I looked at my classmates’ paper. Then my teacher saw me and told my classmate to cover her paper. High school days, freshman, the time when I hadn’t realized how to study, I looked at my notes secretly and I got caught by my religious education teacher. She recorded my offense on anecdotal record. I feel humiliated. After that incident, my classmate and teachers looked down upon me. The next major cheating that I did in college was to text my friend in other class to give me answers in exam. Then I got caught again. I regret doing that and asked forgiveness to my professor. She was the terror professor that time and I was losing hope. If I would fail that subject then I will be going to repeat that again. I asked her for forgiveness. She told me that she couldn’t do anything to pass me. After that I cried for one week. It seems like I was mourning that someone just died. I asked God for forgiveness and seek advice to the priest. He said he would pray for me. One week later I found out that I passed the subject. It was a miracle! I thanked my professor for her consideration even though I did badly to her by saying things that make her to leave and retired in teaching in the university. I still can’t believe that time that I still passed the accounting class even though I create an unforgivable offense. I will never forget her and the priest who prayed for me. Meanwhile, there still some students who cheat but never get caught. In my school life, I had encountered some forms of cheating. Here are some of the following types of cheating that I saw in my school experience:

  • Having a kodigo
  • Knowing the answer before the exam starts
  • Looking at others paper
  • Smartphone (via text or internet)

One of my previous classmates in other class begged me to give the answers in quizzes and exam. I gave him the answers then at the end of the semester his grade is 1.25 (92-94%) while my grade is 2.75 (77-79%). I was really angry at that time. There are still few cases that my seatmate copied my answer because I want him to get better grades. So I let him copied my answers. At the end I found out that he got 100 while I got 95.

It’s really a big problem for teachers and instructors. Sometimes they just let the students to cheat. Anyway, they still get paid by the institution. There’s no difference after all. The students are pressured to cheat because the school system values the grades more than learning. So who are we going to blame?

 

Grade Inflation

A lady that I know in some point of my life told me that teachers are adjusting grades of students when she was an intern in an elementary school. I was really shocked. So that means my report card were false? Then I finally experienced that during college. Professors are adjusting grades so the students would pass. Those who have really high grades would get higher grades. During my four years in college I discovered some of the people I know that are “smart” got really high grades. There was a time that I got a chance to be classmate with them and discovered that they were lazy but smart. I think that being smart and hardworking is different because of the grade inflation they got scholastic records that they don’t really deserve in the first place.

 

Latin Honors

I just noticed in my university that they are too generous in giving students an award or latin honors. While staying in that university they are so many students who cheated in some quizzes and examinations including me and I am not going to deny. They are not really studying and put efforts in the class. The professors are also giving high grades to most students even if their scores in quizzes and examinations are low. There are some reasons why professors did that. First, because of the evaluation. The students may give them low evaluation if they feel that they have low grades. To save the reputation of the professor, they are adjusting the grades of the students and show them later on prelim and midterm that they have a high grades and chance to pass the course. Second, if the professor has a low evaluation, they might get promotion and incentives. Student evaluation helps the department in the university to decide whether to make the professor stay or not.  In some instances, if the department sees an improvement or the students like the way the professor teach them and they received an excellent grades, the university will keep them. There’s also a chance if the professor stays many years in the university, they will get higher salary. Well, what’s the point of education? If all are only lies including the grades? Are they really learning? Do they deserve having latin honors after four years of asking other class what they had taken in the quizzes and exams? Yes, it’s like an epidemic. Cheating is everywhere re in school. CHEATING + STUDYING + GRADE INFLATION = LATIN HONORS.

 

LIFE AFTER GRADUATION

It’s an alarming case if those latin honor people apply in a company. The employer will have a hard time to differentiate between the outstanding, very good, good, and poor students. Honestly, It doesn’t matter if you have honors in college. The very important thing is your performance and experience. It’s embarrassing if you got an honor in college and you can’t even understand what your employer asked you to do. At the end, can you say to yourself that “Am I really successful?” It’s because you have a latin honor in college? Wrong. How can you be successful if you cheated and exerted few efforts in studying? and by the help of your professor giving you adjustments in grades. It’s all worthless and useless in the real world. At first you have to be honest with yourself. The professor grading system should be honest as well as in giving fair grades. In order to have an idea on our true performance. If we failed, we can take that course again and do better next time. You cannot be successful if you didn’t ever experience failing. Did you ever see some salary man who get rich working overnight? In my observation, most of the successful men in the world are those who did not well in class, not finishing studies or college drop-outs. Do you know what their secrets?  Why would you study others idea if you can create your own. I’m not saying that you should quit school. But those people never gave up even though they failed at first. Life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up and sometimes at the bottom. You studied hard, get good grades, finish college, have a job and work until you retired and die. Is that a life that you want? It’s pretty lame and boring for those people who stayed in the library for many hours and not even bother to socialize with people. Life is short. We should enjoy and experience life even if we are sad and having a hard time in some point of our lives. It still means a life and we are living in it or just die if you don’t want that. There are many easy way to die anyway. Are we just going to spend our lives studying, work, retires and what comes after? We should value lives by creating experiences, whether it is good or bad. We learned from our experiences. Experience is the best teacher, not our professors. But they can share their experiences also. Step out there and meet people. Have connections with them.  You might not know that they can help you in the future. According to the trivia that I read in internet, those who know someone in a company has a big chance in getting a job than having a fancier resume. If you plan becoming an ordinary employee, then create connections now. It’s not that you’re using them. Of course it’s a great advantage if you have. If you’re planning to be rich and successful then create your own ideas like having a business. After graduation you have to choose your paths.to work with someone else or with yourself? Will you just follow orders from your bosses or follow your own orders? Which will the best of you? Which will give you good income? You have to decide. Is it worth to study pre-school, grade school, high school, college, masters and PhD? Like being a professor? What are you going to do? Act like you’re good professor by giving grade adjustments, teach your students by spoon-feeding, give easy quizzes and exams and get a high evaluation to save your reputation, and receive incentives so you can stay for a long time in the university and get your salary increase every semester? So the students can thank you for all what you have done to them. Okay, okay, I got it, I…..got…… it ….BIG B.S. There’s no justice here on earth. Back to the question, what are you going to do after finishing school? Become a good employee then retired in 65 years old and die after 15-30 years. To become a politician and steal money from the people who has bad image while you are enjoying  and spending money from people or in the opposite side by spending those money in useful projects and live your life in a simple but many people praises you because of that. The last option is to become an entrepreneur of small or big business. You can make small into big. Successful entrepreneur never gives up even they failed. You will fail if you won’t try anything even it can risk you something. We should accept our failures and face the world for the better future. My mind woke up realizing that life is not all about studying and having good grades. It’s all about how you can handle your own path in terms of connecting with others through sharing and experiences.

 

Dumb or Smart

Is it important thing if you are smart? The answer is no. It is not the basis to measure success but it does help you to think the problem. If you over think your mind would mess up. Over analysing can lead you to wrong decision.

Why does Americans, being declared as dumb, have a successful economy than the Philippines? Filipinos even declared themselves as smart but they don’t do anything good in the country? That’s why until now we are still a third world country. I’m sick of Filipinos bragging about their fellow Filipinos achievements. The world doesn’t care about that. Please wake up. Our years of hardships in school are useless if you don’t know how to play the game of the reality world. Even though we are not a student anymore, we can still be a student of life, taking Bachelors of Arts major in Life.

—————————–END——————————–

 

 

Rookie here

This is my first time blogging officially. I am happy to express my experience, thoughts and idea here. I have many things running on my mind and it’s hard for me to sleep because of that. I hope I could write many things and stay updated no matter what. I apologize if I’ll have a wrong grammar in the future because english is not my first language. I wanna express my writings in english to correct my mistakes and practice on it. I’m not perfect. So… Happy blogging experience!